Q&A with Ryan O'Connell
His memoir, "I'm Special: and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves," blew up the internet and became a Netflix show starring his own self. A novel and forthcoming essay collection means the Nobel is next.
A 2016 study found that 95% of disabled characters on TV are played by able-bodied actors. When Ryan O’Connell got the chance to adapt his memoir, “I’m Special: and Other Lies We Tell About Ourselves,” for Netflix, he had a shot to change those stats. The memoir applied his rippling wit to the complexities of being a gay man with cerebral palsy. But actor-wise, that’s a small target to hit. So Ryan played himself. His self-portrayal won an Emmy—one of four for the show, “Special.”
Ryan got his start in blogworld, and a viral post led to the memoir, which led to writing for Hollywood. In 2022 he made the bold choice to follow up his memoir with a novel, Just Looking at Him, that revisits the same themes, but from a funhouse-mirror perspective. His book of essays, Inspiration Porn, is in the pipeline.
What’s your secret sauce for writing funny about serious things?
Honestly, I try not to think about it too much. I think my brain naturally gravitates towards lol. It makes the whole “being alive” thing more palatable. But I feel like if I were to sit down and treat it like an equation, i.e. this is where I'll be funny and this is where I'll get serious, it would feel put-on. Life is sad, funny, absurd, grounded—often on the same day. I just try to write things that feel real.
For newcomers, can you help demystify the differences between publishing fiction and non-fiction, to the best of your understanding?
Honey, I have no idea. I AM THE WORST PERSON TO ASK ABOUT PUBLISHING which, after writing three books, is embarrassing. How have I not learned anything? Is it my brain damage?! The truth is, everything with me and the lit world has happened sort of organically. As opposed to TV and film where I'm constantly pushing a very gay boulder up a straight hill. If I were to guess, I'd say publishing fiction is easier, especially if you're not A Famous. I had a friend write a memoir and everyone was like “Make it fiction and we'll buy it hehe” and then he literally just changed the names and sold it. Which is super cool and tells me that publishing is in a really good place.
What’s the worst advice you got about the business of writing?
Writing is so torturous. Trying to chase the needs of the market is pointless because, spoiler, no one knows what they want and the mandates change so frequently. Write what you enjoy and it will show on the page.
What surprising thing have you learned about yourself in writing your books?
That I can actually write a book. My first book was a memoir which, at 25, should've been illegal. That process was torturous because my taste hadn't matched my skill. It took me two years to write what was essentially a pamphlet because I wasn't good enough to write a book. Not yet. Writing my novel was the complete opposite experience. I tricked myself into writing it, doing 1000 words a day with no outline. It felt like a creative exercise that could blow up at any moment, except it didn't, and it was so empowering and borderline witchy how it all worked. And then my new book is a book of essays and, to be honest, I had NO IDEA what I was really going to write about. I would start each essay banging around an idea, not knowing where I was headed, and then, eventually the work would tell me where I needed to go. I love writing TV and film but often it feels like doing math. With books, it almost feels divine how it all comes together. You're allowed to take scenic routes and often you end up somewhere completely different than what you thought. There's a certain kind of magic
Tell us about a funny / sexy / awkward / awesome reader connection you’ve made.
Greg Marshall wrote a memoir called Leg about growing up gay with Cerebral Palsy. He asked me to blurb it and I was like, “Wait, there's more than one of us? Slay...” I inhaled the book. It felt like Greg and I shared the same brain. I flew out to do his book event in Austin and we spent this really cathartic weekend together that I actually write about in my new book. I never imagined I could meet somebody like me. Gay guys with a very specific form of CP don't grow on trees. I didn't realize the inherent loneliness I'd been living with prior to meeting Greg and I'm just really grateful he was brought into my life. Also, he's really hot.
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